Two weeks before Christmas, I quit my job.
I had nothing to go to.
I felt like I was living out a Rodriguez song.
I’d been in the same job for about 8 years, with the role slightly changing over that time; however I personally had changed so much that I could no longer feel completely comfortable doing what I was doing. Yet, I still had to keep going there day in and day out as it was all I knew and I had a mortgage to pay.
I felt completely trapped.
I wanted to run away. Escape.
The more trapped I felt, the more the resentment I felt and the desire to just escape intensified in my stomach. I started to develop mild anxiety and dreaded going into the office.
I then sought my identity in the image of a boy running away, such as in the poster for the film ‘Fireflies in the Garden’. (above)
Running away to find freedom.
It’s now January 10 and I have officially finished up at my old place of employment.
I still don’t have anything concrete to go to. Neither does my partner Andy who also quit at the same time.
I now no longer have the need to escape. I’m no longer running away from something. I don’t have the anxiety in the pit of my stomach. I no longer feel tight in the chest.
I feel free.
I now identify with the boy in the Elena Shumilova photograph (above). He sees the rainbow in the distance and he runs with joy towards it.
I’m moving towards something, not running away from something.
There’s a big difference.
Running away has the energy of fear, tightness and constriction.
Moving towards something is about hope, possibility and creation.
You have to let go of the old to invite in the new. The two energies cannot work in the same space.
Even though I may not exactly know what it is that I’m moving towards, I have hope and possibility in my heart and have to do something that I’ve been told by many people and that is to ‘trust’.
I’m in a space of rest and recuperation now before the energy shifts again and I feel movement towards the rainbow. I’ve read and felt in my heart the truth about ‘trusting and letting go’ and allowing the universe / higherself (or whatever you want to call it) to guide the direction of your life. When I get out of my own way and stop trying to control every aspect of my life I can align with what feels right and with what resonates in my heart.
This is what adventure is all about.
I’m used to adventure though, I wrote about one in Dying to Know: Is there life after death where I felt I was guided and the journey ended up not where I expected. But isn’t that what life is all about?
What adventure are you about to go on?