This may sound strange, but I’ve never really wanted to be ‘happy’. The idea of sitting comatose on a rocker recliner watching Married at First Sight being content with the world, I don’t find that appealing.
Instead I’d rather be passionate, curious, inspired and question, challenge, learn and grow.
It’s taken me a long time to realise I’d fallen into the same silly idea of what happiness is supposed to be, along with everyone else.
The belief that if you’re not feeling wonderful, then something must be wrong. Or worse still you must work towards being happy. Like it’s some sort of goal.
I’m discovering that you don’t work towards being happy. You simply stop wanting the western idea of it. It’s unhealthy to try and be upbeat and positive all the time. And I don’t want to avoid all the emotions that come up in me because they are deemed ‘negative’ or bad. Sure they’re not always fun to go through, but what could I learn from them? How could I be a kinder person or get to know a bit more of how I tick on the inside?
I wouldn’t swap the months of anxiety and stress I had towards the end of my last job for anything. That experience taught me so many things; what anxiety feels like, to know it’s similar to what other people go through, and it showed me how I didn’t want to live my life. I now use my experience to help others.
I’m learning that when I stop resisting life and just allow it to flow, I’m much happier in my own way and I feel more alive.
When I don’t resist life, life doesn’t resist me. In fact, it nourishes me.
I just have to turn up, show up and be open. It doesn’t always work as I get easily distracted by bright and shiny objects but it’s better than waiting to be happy sometime later on and missing out on world of adventure and learning right here and now.
I explore these concepts in Frog and the Well: Unconventional Happiness.